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The current period marks a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it describes partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly kill any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {